My skin story
A journey of healing & self acceptance.
I used to worry that no one would want to come and see me for a facial if I myself didn’t have the epitome of ‘perfect skin’.
I’ve come to accept that I have acne prone skin that needs constant management. Even just acknowledging that makes me breathe a big sigh of relief. The chase for perfect skin is over, I’m learning to love myself as I am. Spots, scars and all!
Above, are pictures from 2018 when I was experiencing painful, cystic acne.
I’ve been on a real journey over the last 4 years which has ultimately allowed me to both nurture my skin and my relationship with myself in the process. Struggling with my skin has taught me patience and compassion. I’m actually grateful for this journey I’ve been on, knowing I can now pour this knowledge, experience and understanding in to supporting others on theirs.
So where to begin? I don’t remember having breakout prone skin as a teenager but in hindsight I was on the pill pretty young due to painful periods. I came off the pill in my early 20’s to explore my mood without the hormonal contraceptive (a story for another day) & that’s around the time when my skin started to flare up and it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster since!
From the age of 19, I spent 8 years working as a makeup artist in the film industry, working on big and long jobs for Warner Brothers and The BBC. I’ve always loved working on faces and building supportive relationships with whoever I was making up. (I always thought that the makeup bit was half the job, learning how to emotionally support an actor on a long job was the other half!) I loved the work but honestly my nervous system couldn’t cope with the hours and pressure and I experienced both physical and emotional burnout which I often feel I’m still recovering from.
At the age of 26 I developed painful, inflamed, cystic acne that not only hurt my face to talk but severely affected my self esteem and confidence. I honestly couldn’t look in the mirror somedays without crying. I sometimes feel so sad that I missed out on so many things simply because I wanted to hide at home and not be seen.
I tried EVERY product (I dread to think how much I spent), went on some v questionable diets I found on YouTube (!) wasted money on crappy supplements and spent loads on fancy facials that burned my skin & broke my bank balance. It was only getting worse and worse and I couldn’t work it out, why was this happening?!
I’d been to the GP and was offered the pill & roaccutane, neither of which appealed to me. I completely understand that for some, this a really suitable route to take but at the time I was experiencing high high stress and panic attacks so the risk of taking something that could further affect my mental health was non-negotiable.
I was also disappointed and frustrated that the only options offered to support my skin were treating the symptoms and not the cause.
It took me a while to put two and two together that my dysregulated nervous system and the lifestyle I was living due to work was affecting my skin. You see, we’re so programmed to think of skin health as being product focused that so often we forget that the skin is showing us that there’s something bigger going on within.
The penny hadn’t dropped that surviving on as little as 4 hours sleep, working 90 hour weeks, not eating enough , drinking copious amounts of coffee and being under huge pressure were all contributing to my inflamed skin.
Sometimes when you’re so bogged down with everything, it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Often it takes someone else who’s not ‘in it’ to break these thing down for you to help you see clearly.
That person for me was Katie, founder of re:lax - who at the time (pre relax studio) was working from her spare room. I remember going to her flat and doing a full consultation and finally just feeling so listened to and heard. She asked me all the questions that the doctor hadn’t the time to. We covered diet, digestion, sleep, stress, topical skin care, medication, my menstrual cycle, supplements, caffeine intake, lifestyle and my home surroundings. It felt so thorough and I remember coming away feeling like someone was finally going to help me!
She wrote me a detailed plan which I was thrilled about BUT, I also felt overwhelmed. Having someone point a spotlight on all that was inflaming my body and knowing that I was going to need to make some pretty big changes to improve my health felt really scary.
You’ll know if you’ve experienced acne yourself that you just want there to be a quick fix. A magic supplement or a magic product that will smooth out your skin and make you love yourself again.
But having been through it myself and having supported so many clients on their own journeys I can tell you that there isn’t an overnight treatment that will heal your skin (sorry!).
Time and patience are your best friend & learning to love yourself beyond appearances is a life long journey and practice.
My skin healing looked / looks like:
~ Working with a nutritionist to repair my gut & support digestion
~ Eating enough carbs, protein and healthy fats (& put on some weight!)
~ relying less on caffeine & prioritising sleep
~ Working on nervous system regulation
~ Considering how work and bad relationships were affecting my health
~ Repairing my skin barrier & using less product
~ Improving self esteem & self talk
~ & LEARNING HOW TO REST!
None of which are straightforward let me tell you.
I remember starting small: preparing a protein rich breakfast to eat at 5am and swapping coffee for a herbal tea before a big day. It seems so simple, but honestly starting with getting my blood sugar balanced meant that my brain fog started to lift and I could finally start to think straight and make better decisions regarding my health. I also began choosing a restorative yoga class instead of a HIIT class on my one day off so I could allow my nervous system to reset and let my body rest instead of keeping it in fight-or-flight. My mindfulness practice also became my biggest tool in overcoming negative self talk and language (I will write more about this one day!).
It was a journey! (& still is!)
I’ve definitely fallen victim a few times to getting caught in this “fix me” mentality where I felt like I constantly had to be working to improve and fix myself like something was really wrong. Accepting ‘this is where I’m at today’ has been a really good mantra for healing for me. Trying to find contentment and acceptance with the pace at which things are moving & trusting that small decisions today will overtime, lead to change.
Skin healing isn’t linear. Although over the last 4 years my skin has come so far - I’ve come to accept that I have acne prone skin & probably always will. I absolutely still get breakouts and my skin still gets really inflamed, I just know how to better support it now. I also have a lot of scarring and pigmentation that’s still taking it’s sweet time to heal and I’m totally ok with that, I’m human!
I’ve learnt to let go of the bullshit illusion of what ‘perfect’ skin is. I hate the way the beauty industry sells us these completely unrealistic images of what skin looks like. It’s unfair and cruel to put these impossible expectations on us.
Let me tell you as someone who supports this wonderful organ of ours for a living that breakouts are normal, spots are normal, lines are normal, pigmentation is normal, pores are normal, redness is normal, facial hair is normal. & it’s a bloody shame to waste our time feeling shit about ourselves when we already are and always will be enough.
My biggest learnings …
Skin healing can’t and won’t happen overnight.
What even is ‘perfect skin’? Even clients I see that have really strong and healthy skin STILL find things they want to fix or improve. We can’t win! Meet yourself where you’re at today with kindness. Your skin health doesn’t define you.
Don’t underestimate stress management in skin healing. - Stress comes in many forms (not just work stress!) - it can look like not eating enough, exercising too much, shitty relationships, your environment.
It’s not your fault, please be kind to yourself. There are often bigger factors at play (such as as genetics).
If you have gut issues or struggle with your cycle, look for a specialist to support you (I’m happy to recommend).
Honour your skin barrier and simplify your product use. If you’re skin is inflamed quite often strong active ingredients won’t help unless your skin barrier is strong. Simplify, hydrate, protect. I can help you with this.
You will honestly save money by receiving professional support and guidance (I wasted so much money trying so many products and treatments). What works for someone who’s review you read on the internet doesn’t know anything about your skin or circumstances. So best not take advice from skinfluencers.
Throw away any magnifying mirrors. No one looks at your skin that close.
Nervous system regulation is key to lowering inflammation in the body.
Mindfulness can help you recenter yourself when negative thoughts take over.
After years of learning first hand how to support my acne, training after training in holistic skin therapies, yoga and mindfulness and continuous reading and further development it feels like such a privilege to support others with their skin journeys too. If you’re feeling as lost as I was with my skin, please get in touch if you have any questions about how my treatments can help you. I promise that you have the power and tools to support your skin, body and mind with the love you deserve!
I offer in person and on-line consultations if you aren’t based in London. I’d love to support you.
Polly x
